Thursday, July 31, 2008

Welcome to the real world

I still can't believe what she said to me. I know why... but, really, why?

She's mad that I've been absent for weeks.

It's like she hardly knows me after all of these years, although she is now one of my oldest friends. She doesn't understand that I can't contact her every single day, and I don't understand how she could need so much contact. It's the kind of cycle that breaks down before it can rebuild; an eclipse marring the otherwise perfect 365 day calendar. All of the other years— most of them— are fine.

She thinks that I am punishing her by not calling, and when she tries to punish me by also not calling, I don't notice. I am the insensitive one, and she is doubly punished. So she lashed out to let me know.

Even with this logicked map, it still hurts. Her words echo in the corners. It feels like a shared sentiment. Everyone waits, watches, assumes that this is not it— the end, result, reason. Call it what you will, the end does not justify the means: the means is all.

Where we are, where we stand, we chose. Persevere.