these thoughts I must not think of

I am wound up. Not wounded-- wound. Why are those heteronyms?

At any rate, I usually think of myself as invisible. Certainly in public I try to not speak out or stand out, to blend into the background and observe the surroundings. I've been told conflicting opinions as to my effectiveness on this front, but the point is that I keep to myself and I'm rather shy.

Tonight while I was out for a run in the conditions I most dislike-- hot, dry, sunny, windy. I was thinking about people I used to know. When I saw one running towards me (although his hair was the wrong color). I shouted at him, stopping, perhaps jumping to give impact to the name. I shouted til he had to forcefully respond that he wasn't who I thought he was. Oh. I moved on, embarrassed. And my mind locked onto the interaction, repeating every detail.

Why did I think that was my friend? It's like I expected that my brain could conjure him up. Normally when I see someone I might now, I remain quiet out of fear of intrusion. What pushed me to act, when it was more than likely I'd be wrong?