Thursday, March 29, 2007

perfect nights

I've experienced a run of perfect evenings. Last night I went for a run, made dinner, then worked on patching up the myriad shredded seams and worn holes in my well-loved blue light coat while listening to jazz on NPR. Erik listened to the same program from his room, while playing World of Warcraft, which gave an odd stereo shower stall sound. Aside from the griddle on the stove getting so flipping hot that even high-heat peanut oil smoked on contact, causing a prolonged smoke alarm annoyance, it was relaxing and fantastic. I even went to bed early to read, and got a mythical eight hours of sleep.


Tuesday night I also went for a run, then Erik and I went to Fat Straw for bagel sandwiches and bubble tea. When we came home we watched Babel while drinking red wine. I painted my fingernails and Erik's toenails with matching blue polish, and pinned together the disintegrated seams on the outside of my blue coat to prep for sewing. It certainly doesn't get better than that.

Tonight I'm hoping that the nice weather will make Last Thursday bustling and fascinating. I'm also taking my brother to the airport; he'll be back east for a week. I'll miss him this weekend for breakfast and house help. It will be interesting to hear what happens, since our mother is also in the States-- a rare intersection of my father, mother, and brother. I must admit that I'm happy to not be in the mix. It's a cocktail best viewed from the distance of multiple timezones.

Monday, March 26, 2007

aussie babes

When I was eight years old or so, my mother would take me to this Australian import store in a mall somewhere, on the way to or from somewhere we had to go. I think it might have been a mall with an entrance to the subway, to/from her work at the Smithsonian. They had loose Australian opals, which were my absolute favorite stone. I could watch them shine fire and ice in a trance for as long as she'd let me. I was saving up money to buy one of the loose stones. I can't remember what I thought I'd do with it.


Instead of gems, my mother sometimes bought me a book at the store. I had completely forgotten the series I so loved, but a passing mention of opals and the Mohs scale jogged my memory. I hope to find a copy of Snugglepot and Cuddlepie at some point. The odd flora, fauna, and fantasy characters spurred my childhood imagination.

Friday, March 23, 2007

29 March 2001

I got lost in archive.org's Wayback Machine, and discovered my old blog from 2000 to 2004. This isn't particularly well written, but it's a snapshot from six years ago and probably only interesting to me.

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Erik's off in Austin for the weekend visiting his brother. I spent last weekend in London visiting my mom. We took turns so that our cat wouldn't be alone on the weekends. No joke. Actually, our trips had similar aims: checking up on a family member. I worry about my mom ever since my [great] uncle died, and especially now while the great foot-and-mouth disease crisis is going on in the countryside of England. She can barely leave her house. Erik worries about his brother being a homebody, especially since he's down in Texas.

My trip to London was intense. I left Thursday afternoon, flying Virgin from San Francisco. I was given a terrible middle seat, but I used the trick of asking for a change at the desk, and got a window. As per usual, I had the row to myself til what seemed like the very last minute, as though I really would have the space. But the flight was packed, and soon a huge group of sixty English college kids arrived. They took ages deciding where to sit, kept switching up, etc. They were all sunburned and boisterous, returning from a week-long trip to Tahoe. Two guys sat next to me, and it was impossible not to hear when people kept coming up to the guy right next to me, talking about his girlfriend who was mad at him for some reason.

Sure enough, the girlfriend switched with the outside guy, and the couple proceeded to argue. Or rather, the girlfriend talked very loudly and shouted. After a few hours of this, they seemed to make up, and so they made out for another couple of hours. Meantime, I watched some movies-- Tigerland and Billy Elliot-- and read The Shipping News. I talked to the girl a tad right before we landed.

We arrived late, so I was late to meet my mom. I wanted to take the AirBus because Matt and Shauna had told me it took vastly less time than the tube, but it took us literally three or four circles to find the airbus stop. People kept giving us wrong directions.

As soon as we got off the bus, I was pretty disoriented, and it took us a bit of turning to find the hotel. As soon as we did, the sign on the door said to cross back over the street to register at the sister hotel. We got the key, crossed back, and I climbed six flights of stairs til I realized that the room number didn't exist in the building. I crossed back, confirmed that our room was in the sister hotel, and went back to get my mom. I was dizzy from the circles.

Our room was awesome, like a little apartment. We had a little bathroom at the entrance, a small living room with kitchenette, including cooking utensils, stove, and fridge, and then a separate little room with the beds. After a brief rest, we went out in search of food. We took the tube over to High Street Kensington, and ate at the Wagamama there, but they wouldn't let me take my leftovers, so most of the food was wasted. My first solid meal had been the planefood, so the noodles were too much for me. We walked back to the hotel through Kensington Gardens, and I fell asleep into the night. I woke up at midnight, talked to my mom a bit, then went back to bed. Only to wake at 3am and not sleep for the rest of the night. That was my pattern for the rest of the time.

The next day I talked to Dawne, and our plan was to meet at Portobello Market. So mom and I walked through Kensington Gardens down to the V&A, where we saw the costume exhibit, the plaster casts, and a new, awesome glass exhibit (the glass exhibit inspired me to want to take the stained glass class at ACE, but when I tried to register, it was full).

From there we walked up to our meeting place, Notting Hill tube stop. We tried to find a place to eat along the way, but it wasn't until Kensington that we did. It was a good little Italian place, but we ended up being late to meet Aaron and Dawne, so I rushed out to call them, but kept leaving stuff by accident at the restaurant.

Finally, we met Dawne and Aaron, and we proceeded to weave through the market. I tried on all of this woman's net skirts, but they were exorbitantly priced. I ended up buying a glass barbell earing and a paper lantern with pressed ferns within the thick, handmade paper. I had planned to be extravagant with the hip young designers' clothing, but I just couldn't bring myself to it. Dawne had to leave right as we got to the clothing area, to secure a place at the wine bar for later. She left Aaron and I with walkietalkies, but we couldn't get them to work. We mostly just flowed through the place.

I had forgotten the brand new gloves I had made the day before the trip at the Italian place, so we stopped by there to retrieve them. If only I had known how they would end up.

After the crush of the crowd, we took the tube down to Embankment to Gordon's Wine Bar, the oldest wine bar in London. We met Dawne and Turtle there. They already had a couple of empy wine bottles on the table, which was situated in the corner of an old, dank, low, cavernous wine cellar. The place was only lit by candles stuck in empty bottles, and we proceeded to eat olives, cheese plates, and hummus, drinking wine into the night. I spent approximately fifty pounds there, buying wine and finger food to go with it. Aaron must have spent a helluva lot more.

At one point, Dawne's head was drooping, so Aaron took her out to get coffee. Two large Aussie guys and a gal finally arrived, Turtle's friends. We left the place late, around 9pm, and went separate ways from the Australians. Aaron, Dawne, mom and I went up to North London to an Ethiopian place. But as soon as we got out of the wine bar, Aaron's level of intoxication became apparent. He was wasted, gone. I tried to help him along, but Dawne insisted I was babying him. We got to the restaurant, and he basically passed out while the rest of us ate. After the food, I realized that I had left my gloves once again, at the wine bar. I called them the next day, but they were closed all of Sunday. They were gone for good.

We made our way home from the restaurant, Aaron puking on the way to the tube. I talked to Erik, then fell asleep right away, but woke up at 3am again for good.

Sunday. We took the tube to Tate Modern. It was fantastic. Even my mom enjoyed it. My favorite piece was a room of works by Susan Hiller. It consisted of many handmade cardboard boxes, custom made to fit collections of thing. The collections were things like tagged bottles of water from three rivers prominant in ancient Greek mythology. The underside of the lid of the box usually contained some kind of text, clipping, or image that went along with the collection, often as a foil, and really made you think about the significance of the object. It was brilliant, and reminded my of Joseph Cornell's works that I love so much.

I felt a little queasy during the whole museum visit. We were exhausted, our feet hurt. Finding food was again a pain in the ass. We ended up eating at another Italian place right off of Embankment tube stop, when we went back to Gordon's Wine Bar to look for my gloves. From there, we returned to the hotel, changed, and took the tube out to Wimbledon, to meet John Priddle, a distant relative. We walked through a neat garden nearby, converted from a villa modelled after the Italian. We went back to his house, ate some food, had a glass of wine, talked, and listened to his son play piano. Afterwards, he drove us back to our hotel, and the same sleep pattern occurred. When I got up finally at around 4 or 5am, after being awake since 3, mom got up soon afterwards, and we talked extensively until it was time to leave for the airport. She's never told me as much as she told me that night, although she told me alot of stuff she's told me before, as big, revelatious secrets.

We took the tube to the airport, got there a bit late. We waited through horrendous lines for my flight, which cut it extremely close for my getting to the gate. I ended up getting to the gate before they had even called my row number, although the monitor in the departure lounge had said gate closing. I had weasled an aisle seat, and it turned out to be in the center row. A woman with a young baby was on the other side, and no one ever came to sit in the middle seat by me. A man had demanded to be let off the plane, because of claustrophobia, and so his bags had to be retrieved from the hold. This whole ordeal took about an hour. I assume he was the one who was supposed to sit next to me, as the flight was overbooked. It made me extremely nervous, as there was a warm metal box under the seat in front of me, and I had been pulled for a random, thorough search while waiting in the line to get on the plane.

The baby threw things at me the whole flight, it was that age. I watched four movies: Low Down, Born Romantic, Dungeons and Dragons, and Taxi. I adored Born Romantic, it was very entertaining. D&D was literally the worst movie I've ever seen, with dialog and scenes so bad, so overly trite that they arrived past humor, out on the other side of terribleness. Low Down was good, but I couldn't concentrate on Taxi. The three small meals after the main one weren't covered under my special meal request, so I ended up not eating or drinking for ten hours. It was torture. It took forever to land, get off the plane, get custom'd, wait for my bag, and get out to Erik. But once I did, he was fantastic. What a relief to be home!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

dirt & drink

After getting all worked up on Friday, I spent most of the weekend in a blissful state of working in the garden, in a tank top, with dirty feet and music playing.


I went for a ten mile run Saturday morning to get my long run out of the way. Of course, the moment I hopped in the shower afterwards, my delivery of five cubic yards of well composted manure arrived. Erik and I worked together for most of the day, with me cleaning up sections of the front yard and him loading and dumping wheelbarrows full of compost. His dad also helped us for most part of it, and we got the entire front yard tidied up and evenly covered.

My brother, his coworker friend Joe, and I went on the St Patrick's Day BarFly bus. Highlights include a woman wearing a hijacked marching band uniform, complete with tall white faux-fur hat; drunk girls stealing vintage purses from the wall of a bar called Grandma's; someone asking me if I was the Irish Princess Leia; running into my freshman dorm roommate; leaving behind my passed-out pool opponent in Thatcher's; discovering that a girl my brother was hitting on was flirting with me; having Erik pick us up at the final bar and take us for donuts.

The next morning Ted, Joe, and I went for breakfast at Junior's, and then I worked in the backyard for the rest of the day tidying garden beds, trying to salvage those destroyed by having a couple of trees removed, and laying more manure. Erik and his dad went for a bike ride and then split most of the wood left behind (in the middle of a garden bed) from the felled trees. Now we have a wood stack, and although it will be a long time before the wood is seasoned enough for use, we'll soon have a working fireplace too!

Friday, March 16, 2007

the deficit

My concentration has been shot for at least two years now. I think it's been that long since I could settle in to program something and get into the coding zone-- a world where thought flows directly into working code without typing, syntax errors, or second-guessing data object representation. Without that focused mental state, I'm a fairly useless person. I wish I knew if it was just these odd open projects assigned to me where I'm not sure what to do or how to begin, or if a knock to my noggin finally scrambled my brain, or if I'm taking on things that are too difficult for me, or if I'm bored because I'm not interested.


Surely millions of people elsewhere around the world are not interested in their work, and yet manage to slog through it day after day.

I try to make rules for myself: stay focused for fifteen minutes. It works, once. Then I obsessively check new headlines, photos, Portland restaurant reviews, etc. Then I have an idea, research it, get distracted, follow the tangent, and repeat.

I want to be effective. I want to get things done. I want to be a good little worker at my wonderful, cush job. I wonder if this is the ADHD for which junior high ruffians are so medicated, or if it's just an alternative thought process that can be harnessed under control, or if it's just a (long) phase.

My goal this weekend is to spend more quiet alone time, working on one project so that I accomplish real work towards a finish. I've decided to attack my growing, ancient pile of tshirts to be recontructed. I put a hold on four books on the subject through the glorious Multnomah County Public Library website, and for the first time I decided to pay to have them delivered by mail to my house, instead of timing their pickup at my local library. The books are mostly for ideas and a push to start, since I am afraid to take the first step on many of my tshirts, for fear of ruining them beyond repair. Cotton knit is one of the most forgiving fabrics in the world, in terms of sewing mistakes, but I'm so scared of one false cut into my too-big Dark Knight shirt that I've had since I was 15 that I haven't gotten past simply undoing its seams.

Let the fear stop here, and my focus begin.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

cat storm

Cat meltdown today. That's what I get for crossing the "cat lady" line, going from two cats to three. Kylie went to the vet today for dental work, which we've put off as being unaffordable for a few years. After her illness last year-- when she lost one third of her body weight and we had to give her subcutaneous fluid and hand feed her three times a day for two weeks-- we took her to the vet right away when we noticed her spine protruding more than usual. The bloodwork came out normal, and since we have a bit more money this year we decided to go for the dental work, on the theory that her worse-than-normally-rank-cat-breath and gingivitis were causing her pain that made her not want to eat.

Erik dropped her off at the vet this morning and would pick her up after work, since cats need total anesthetizing for dental work. The vet called me a couple of hours later to tell me that Kylie had diarrhea and couldn't be anesthetized today. She also thought Kylie might have inflammatory bowel disease, a chronic gastro-intestinal ailment, and that we'd need to have her "scoped." Kylie was fine at home this morning, and she always loses bowel control at the vet. I decided to proceed with the dental work.

About half an hour later-- time I spent imagining my beloved, terrified Kylie in gastro-distress in a cage at the vet, or perhaps out cold on a stainless steel table with her little spotted mouth prised open with icy metal instruments-- the doctor called again, this time to tell me that Kylie has an intestinal parasite. When I mentioned our new kitten, she said that he was the probable culprit. She said they'd treat Kylie for the parasite, and that we'd have to bring the other cats in. So it will be two weeks of treating three cats for an intestinal parasite, and then we can take Kylie back in for dental work.

And so it goes.

a haiku

Sometimes I feel so
Fortunate that tall, thin guys
Like short, curvy girls.

Monday, March 12, 2007

weekend time

It sounds like either the setup for a joke or a trite epigram, but for all of my life I have struggled with time. I remember the mental struggle to learn to read analog clocks in kindergarten, and Sam, the one boy in our class who already could. We all looked up to him for it.


I've always lost track of time, underestimated the amount of time things take, hated wasting time, searched in vain for ways to kill long awkward hours, and pondered the extreme subjectivity of the length of passing time. Time is a problem, but also an answer, of sorts. Thinking of time as a fourth dimension helped me to be able to imagine multiple dimensions for the most difficult math class I ever took. I could never mentally comprehend above ten dimensions, however.

Lately I just don't have enough time. I'm not sure where it goes. Sometimes I can tell that I fit a lot into my hours, but sometimes it seems impossible to do more than go to work, go for a run, and make dinner-- that's a whole day.

My Saturday was swallowed up by getting our taxes done. Erik used TurboTax to fill out the forms while I went through our files and got rid of records older than 2005. We had so much extra paperwork that I had to go out and buy a new shredder, which itself overheated from use. We also went on a wild goose chase for takeout for lunch, and later to see "Pan's Labyrinth" at CineMagic down the street.

Sunday morning I walked downtown, ran the Shamrock Run, waited in the long line for the beer garden, and walked home. Then I did laundry, tidied up, called my mom, and ran errands with Julie, who was dogsitting a friend's pug. One of our stops was Portland Nursery, which should probably not be attempted with two pugs in tow. It was flat-out exhausting. I spent the afternoon working in the yard a bit, trying to salvage some plants from the mess that stump-grinding made of various garden beds. I was pretty disappointed that after the tree trimming and removal didn't damage a thing, the stump grinding destroyed at least one entire bed.

I still feel like I'm getting back to normal after being gone for two weekends in a row, since weekends are the main time I have that's truly my own. The stupidly rescheduled time change didn't help. That's why my goal for this week is to make more efficient use of evenings. It's like a New Year's resolution, without having to wait for a turn of the calendar. Little tricks like this often work for me, as I'm easily amused and pretty gullible. I'll let you know if I come up with anything really good.

Friday, March 9, 2007

transit

Transition is the beauty of life. I've been mulling it over, and I am convinced that this is the crux of what is beautiful. Spring and autumn trump summer and winter-- what can compare to the effusive bursting of buds on a cherry tree, or the smell of fallen, sun-warmed leaves in autumn? I thought of so many examples that my head started to fill up, but of course they've all slipped away now.


I think what prompted this line of thought was joy in the actual act of traveling while I was in Costa Rica-- the hours in minivans over rutted mountain roads, sparkling ferry trips through red tide-infested waters, walking through the jungle to get to waterfalls.

Falling in love is a huge transition. The giddiness, the mood swings, the vivid visual imaginings. This week I'm in love again, and it's amazing how fresh the emotion feels, viewing it a bit detatched, with a wary eye. Of course, my new love is Kenard the kitten, so there's no chance of heartbreak. The rush is the same. I sit at my desk in the afternoon and stare out the window, dreaming of his wiggly belly. I long to put my arms around him, to just spend time with him, to hear his voice.

Admitting all that is turning my post towards silliness, but I insist upon the seriousness of the revelation-- transition is beauty. The good news is that the adage "the only constant in life is change" is true.

Monday, March 5, 2007

rebound

Got back last night, and today I'm still mentally on the return. It was so disorienting to arrive home to different lights left on, the sofa and coffee table at a slight cant, the pepper grinder on the countertop, and Venus running away from me. Small details that make up home, shaken just a bit loose.

I never used to get homesick when I'd travel. I never had the thought that I'd rather be back in my own abode than in the country whose soil held my feet. I used to love the grandness of airplanes (then, they are aeroplanes), the sights of transit itself, the act of shaking loose.

Am I still a traveler, now that I've found a home?